Tommy Pickles and the Great White Thing/transcript

[Camera is positioned to where it is peeking underneath the bathroom door]

[Opening Credits are shown while you can see Pop's shoes and can here him scatting along with the theme music]

[Tommy opens the door]

[After looking at the flushing toilet, Tommy crawls towards it]

[Tommy reaches out his hand to touch it, but hesitates, then reaches again]

[Pop picks Tommy up]

Pop: [bellowing] Hold on fellow, this is no place for you!

[Pops walks out of the bathroom and into the Pickles' kitchen]

Stu: [to Howard and Betty stereotypes in the background] I think it'll be another couple of months before Tommy start's talking.

Pop; ''Hey, Stu! [walking past Stu, Didi, and the DeVille stereotypes] I found your boy about to go sage-belly into the water closet.''

 Stu: Oh! [chuckles] Thanks, Pop!

[screen cuts to the playpen]

Stu: [from kitchen] Just set Tommy down with Phil and Lil!

[Pop sets Tommy in the playpen with Phil and Lil and the family's sleeping dog, Spike]

[Tommy jumps on a ball and the rolls with into the playpen]

[Tommy, Phil, and Lil wait for Pop to go away]

Tommy: ''Hey, guess what just happened! I heard this noise from grandpa's stinking room, so I snuck in there. And do you know what I saw?''

Phil and Lil: What?

Tommy: There's a big white thing in there!

Phil and Lil: What is it?

Tommy: I don't know, but it burped at me.

Phil: ''Ooh! Is that the thing that I saw our dog drinking out of? I thought it was a big water dish.''

Tommy: I don't know.

Lil: I think it's a fishbowl!

Phil: ''A fishbowl! [camera positions inside of Phil's mouth] There's no fish in that thing Lillian!''

Lil: Well, I saw something swimming around in there Phillip!

[screen cuts back into playpen]

Tommy: I think it's --- alive!

[Phil and Lil quit arguing and look at Tommy]

Tommy: ''Like a person. When it was burping, maybe it was trying to talk to me. Tonight, I'm going to go back in there!''

[screen cuts to an aerial view of the Pickles' residence, then into Tommy's room where Didi is tucking Tommy into bed]

Didi: Sleep tight, sweetie! [kisses Tommy on the cheek]

Stu: Good night, champ!

[Didi hands Tommy his bottle]

[Tommy drinks from the bottle]

[Didi then makes a kissing noise and makes a funny face at Tommy]

[Stu turns on Tommy's bed music machine]

[Tommy puts his bottle beside him and closes his eyes]

Didi: [whispering] I think he's asleep.

Stu: [whispering] ''Yeah! Okay, shh---''

[Tommy opens his eyes]

Stu: [from living room] Having a good night, Pop?

[Tommy turns his music-making thing off]

Didi: We're turning it in, Pop!

[Tommy crawls to the end of his crib, moves his teddy bear to the side and grabs his screwdriver that was hidden behind it, he then gets out of the crib]

[Tommy walks out of his bedroom and heads towards the bathroom]

[Tommy opens the door and crawls towards the toilet again]

[Tommy knocks on the toilet]

Tommy: Is anybody home?

[Tommy sees the flusher and climbs the plunger and then stands on the toilet seat]

Tommy: ''Aaah! Woah!''

[Tommy flushes the toilet]

Tommy: ''Woah! [grabs the towel and puts it in the flushing toilet] Waaa-augh!''

[Tommy stands on the toilet paper and than runs with the toilet paper with it is rolling off, then jumps and grabs a hold of the plunger, slams him into the sink which Tommy tries to hold on to]

Tommy: [grabs the faucet and turns the water on] Waa-augh!

[the toilet slings Tommy back towards the toilet and gets his head wrapped up in wet toilet paper]

Tommy: ''Waah! Daugh! Ungh!''

[Tommy squeezes the toothpaste tube which pops out the tube. The tube hits a can of bubble soap after bouncing off the wall, the soap goes into the filling sink with the can and foams it up.]

[soap gets around Tommy's mouth and he exclaims which causes him to let go of the plunger and he holds on to the sink]

[Spike comes into the bathroom and sniffs at the toothpaste, then walks towards the clogging toilet while Tommy falls from the sink and onto him]

[Tommy rides Spike from when he is drinking out of the toilet until he sits down in front of the TV beside Pop]

[Tommy slides off Spike's back and watches the fishing channel with bored eyes]

[TV switches to a commercial of Squeaky Chicken]

Sharlene (the Squeaky Chicken Girl): ''Hi! I'm Sharlene with Squeaky Chicken restaraunts. Want to know what we've got in store for you? Our new....''

Pop: (moans) Nature beckons.

Sharlene: ....''quarter-pounder. The other guys only give you a third of a pound in their chicken sandwich, and yecch! That's without Squeaky's...''

Spike: (yawns)

Sharlene: ...''special sauce! ''

Pop: (from bathroom) ''Jumping jehosaphat, Stu, Didi! Call the plumber, quick! Oh, look at that, look at that!''

[Tommy changes the channel]

Stu: ''Aw, Dad! Dad!''

Didi: Oh my!

Pop: [talks indistinctly due to loud music on the TV]

Didi: Pipe down!

[Stu, Didi, and Pop continue arguing and complaining]

Stu: Use your bathroom!

[Pop, Didi, and then Stu continue arguing and complaining]

[screen goes to credits]

Didi: I do everything in this house!

[Pop yells]

Didi: ''Pop! Don't you ever yell in this house!''

[the arguing fades out with the ending music]

[the arguing fades back in at the end with the Nickelodeon logo and the black void]

Stu: ''Go downstairs! Go downstairs!''

Pop: I'm never---

[Stu and Didi say something]

Pop: I never touched that bowl!